Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
we're so committed to being not committed
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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