put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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