i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
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I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
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Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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