also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
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you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
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There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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