Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
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I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
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you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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