I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize