i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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