the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I forgot wine drunk hurts
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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