I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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