Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize