Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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