my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize