and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
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That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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