he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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