hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
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We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
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Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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