dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
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She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
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You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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