i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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