the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize