Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
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Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
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Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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