guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize