I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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