we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
