Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize