so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
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I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
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Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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