From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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