I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
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Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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