your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize