I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize