I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
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I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
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