my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize