so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
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I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
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him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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