So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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