dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
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He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
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Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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