so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
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just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
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I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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