Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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