If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
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I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
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On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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