True but thats because hes a fetus.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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