They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
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Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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