I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize