i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We named our party play list daddy issues
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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