I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize