My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
from now on my penis is your penis
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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