I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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