So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize