I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize