you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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