More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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