i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
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I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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