my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
What drink are we having for lunch?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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