So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
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Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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