My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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